Ah socializing.
A joy for extroverts but also a truly exhausting and painful
experience for introverts. Growing up as
an introvert was difficult to say the least.
When I wasn’t being harassed and verbally assaulted by my fellow
classmates I was inwardly torturing myself over my lack of skill at trying to
create friendships, all of which failed miserably before they even really
began. I spent most of my teen years
alone, diving into my hobbies to pass the time.
Church was no better. While I was
free from harassment, I still found my ability to connect to others nearly
non-existent. Going every Sunday to my
youth group and attempting to force myself to speak to other people ended up
with jumbled sentences and poor attempts at conversation leading into awkward
silence. It didn’t help that I wasn’t
like a lot of the other guys around me.
I wasn’t into sports, the outdoors or cars like so many others were
which greatly limited my opportunities at connecting with others. Over time my shyness lessened a bit, but my
inability to connect still wasn’t there and it was then that I drifted away
from God. I was miserable and didn’t
care about anything, even myself.
As I got older and graduated from High School I found myself
at the Art Institute, surely there I would find others that I had more in
common with. And it was true that people
were far friendlier there and I even talked more. But despite that I was still unable to make
any lasting connections. We would talk
for a while and eventually the whole thing would fall apart and we would both
move on. Little did I know that would be
a common occurrence for me throughout my life.
But my college days did allow me to open up a bit more to people due to
practicing conversation.
After college I found myself in a similar situation, no
friends and only my interests to keep me occupied until I could find a
job. Which I did and that helped greatly
in opening up more to others…as with anything, socializing takes a lot of
practice. A LOT. Through this I found
myself in an assortment of dead end relationships and various church hopping
that lead to zero connections. I did end
up making one friend for a while and for once I felt normal. Like the people I saw on TV or out in the
real world hanging out with their friends doing whatever. Eventually that friendship would end, but I
would also find my wife during that time who shared a lot of my past with
having difficulty with people. Together
we gave each other support and encouragement.
We spent a lot of time church hopping and trying to socialize
as best we could. But just as it was in the past for us both we found we were
unable to make lasting connections.
Conversations alone were difficult to sustain, ending in awkward
silences. We did end up meeting a couple
that we feel we will have a long lasting friendship with. Well, if we don’t
screw it up. :)
Having a renewed faith in God and the support of my wife has helped greatly.
Having a renewed faith in God and the support of my wife has helped greatly.
Why am I sharing this?
Because I know there are plenty of people like us out there. Outcasts, people that don’t quite blend in or
just generally have a hard time connecting with other human beings. And to them I say…don’t give up. Times will be difficult, it will take a lot
of work and people tend to not make it too easy for us introverts when it comes
to conversation. But there are patient
people out there that realize not everyone can be an extrovert. And those are the people that realize that we
introverts can be great friends. It just
takes time. Things may seem bleak for
you right now, like you will never develop friendships and always forced to sit
on the outside looking in. But with
effort that will change, it takes practice.
Start with the little things…small conversations here and there and
eventually it will become easier and your comfort zone will start to
expand. But most of all, don’t give up.
It’s worth it.
