Ah socializing.

A joy for extroverts but also a truly exhausting and painful experience for introverts.  Growing up as an introvert was difficult to say the least.  When I wasn’t being harassed and verbally assaulted by my fellow classmates I was inwardly torturing myself over my lack of skill at trying to create friendships, all of which failed miserably before they even really began.  I spent most of my teen years alone, diving into my hobbies to pass the time.  Church was no better.  While I was free from harassment, I still found my ability to connect to others nearly non-existent.  Going every Sunday to my youth group and attempting to force myself to speak to other people ended up with jumbled sentences and poor attempts at conversation leading into awkward silence.  It didn’t help that I wasn’t like a lot of the other guys around me.  I wasn’t into sports, the outdoors or cars like so many others were which greatly limited my opportunities at connecting with others.  Over time my shyness lessened a bit, but my inability to connect still wasn’t there and it was then that I drifted away from God.  I was miserable and didn’t care about anything, even myself. 

As I got older and graduated from High School I found myself at the Art Institute, surely there I would find others that I had more in common with.  And it was true that people were far friendlier there and I even talked more.  But despite that I was still unable to make any lasting connections.  We would talk for a while and eventually the whole thing would fall apart and we would both move on.  Little did I know that would be a common occurrence for me throughout my life.  But my college days did allow me to open up a bit more to people due to practicing conversation.

After college I found myself in a similar situation, no friends and only my interests to keep me occupied until I could find a job.  Which I did and that helped greatly in opening up more to others…as with anything, socializing takes a lot of practice. A LOT.  Through this I found myself in an assortment of dead end relationships and various church hopping that lead to zero connections.  I did end up making one friend for a while and for once I felt normal.  Like the people I saw on TV or out in the real world hanging out with their friends doing whatever.  Eventually that friendship would end, but I would also find my wife during that time who shared a lot of my past with having difficulty with people.  Together we gave each other support and encouragement.

We spent a lot of time church hopping and trying to socialize as best we could. But just as it was in the past for us both we found we were unable to make lasting connections.  Conversations alone were difficult to sustain, ending in awkward silences.  We did end up meeting a couple that we feel we will have a long lasting friendship with. Well, if we don’t screw it up. :)
Having a renewed faith in God and the support of my wife has helped greatly.

Why am I sharing this?  Because I know there are plenty of people like us out there.  Outcasts, people that don’t quite blend in or just generally have a hard time connecting with other human beings.  And to them I say…don’t give up.  Times will be difficult, it will take a lot of work and people tend to not make it too easy for us introverts when it comes to conversation.  But there are patient people out there that realize not everyone can be an extrovert.  And those are the people that realize that we introverts can be great friends.  It just takes time.  Things may seem bleak for you right now, like you will never develop friendships and always forced to sit on the outside looking in.  But with effort that will change, it takes practice.  Start with the little things…small conversations here and there and eventually it will become easier and your comfort zone will start to expand.  But most of all, don’t give up. It’s worth it.

Technology and You.

OK! Before I even start I just want to say this is NOT an anti-tech post. I love technology. I think if used right can only benefit humanity on nearly every level and I can’t wait to see what tech marvels are in store for our future.

Having said that…I believe our culture has allowed technology to really affect us on a psychological and social level to a degree that it actually harms us as a society as a whole. Thanks to devices like Smartphones we have more ways to keep in touch with people at any time of the day and yet it’s been shown we spend less and less time actually talking to people in person than we have in the past. A lot of this is due in part to phones now allowing us to also stay connected to work and our busy lifestyles much easier. We text more than we talk, we stay connected more often than being disconnected.

When we drive around with the family we put a blu-ray on for the kids in the back seat instead of actually talking. Instead of sitting with family at dinner, we turn on the TV or look at our tablets. Instead of parents spending time with children at home they do their own things while the kids play Xbox. In technology that’s based around interaction, we actually have a higher amount of quantity time and a significantly lesser amount of quality time. It’s been said in many studies and articles in the past 2 years that we are a people that are becoming more and more isolated due to this quantity over quality equation influencing the course of society. Some have even indicated that mass shootings may just be one side effect of an isolated culture.

I’m sure some will dismiss this post as trash and others will laugh it off. But I think that may be because we simply just don’t want to give up what we have. Change is too hard and too personal. In American culture we live to rebel, we don’t want to be told how to live or what to do. We don’t want to admit we need change because we want OUR WAY. It’s what our society is built around, look at media for proof of that. And if we don’t…what will happen to our society as it continues on this path? I think that is something no one can really know for certain, but I highly doubt it will be anything good.

Led by the Spirit or Emotions?

So, recently I was thinking about the past and how we tend to put way too much of an emphasis on “feelings” rather than facts.  Too often we enforce those feelings on others, sometimes without even realizing it and tend to use it as a basis for salvation.  Do you “feel” the Holy Spirit. I “feel” like God is telling me something. I “feel” like I’m being nudged.   The problem with going by feelings is that emotions are highly erratic, they are always changing and are easily influenced without our knowing it.

Imagine someone feels God is telling them to not eat meat.  That may very well be true. For them.  The problem comes when they FEEL that if someone else eats meat then it must be wrong and so they step in and let that other person know that what they are doing is wrong because they “feel” it is wrong.  A similar situation happened to be a long time ago where feelings were pushed on me by someone who barely even knew me.  I’ve spoken with others who faced the same types of issues.  These are the dangers of combining faith and emotion.  We are emotional creatures, this much is true. It is how we are build.  But faith is not an emotion, it is a belief.  We can have a passion for that belief, but it has to be on a much more solid foundation than feeling.

Don’t get me wrong…there is nothing wrong with fellow Christians helping others on this long road of life.  In fact, we NEED that 3^rd party view to get ourselves back on the right path.  The problem is that too often personal feelings mix in with our faith and influence what we say and do towards others and how we perceive certain things.

So, I just think it’s very important to remember that we should be led by the spirit and not by our own personal feelings on issues and that what may seem wrong to one person isn’t always wrong to everyone else.

Romans 14:21 “ It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.”

Or to modernize that…if your brother or sister stumbles when they watch a rated R film…don’t take them to a rated R film or you too will have sinned by causing them to stumble over something you knew was an issue for them.

Compassion...

I wanted to take a quick moment to talk about Compassion.  The organization that helps children all over the world through the monthly donations of those willing to share their money to help others.  However, you already know about that whole aspect of this type of organization.

So, what I really want to talk about is one of their other aspects that other organizations don’t typically do.  And that is volunteering to write to children who already have sponsors, but are unable to write to their children.

To us it may not seem like receiving a letter is a big deal, especially in this digital age we live in.  But to them it means the world.  And in many cases can mean life or death.   These letters they receive represent more than mere letters on a page, it is proof that they are loved. That they are important. Most of all it gives them a feeling of hope.  Without hope, it’s common for children in poverty to fall into a life of crime in order to help support their families.

A few moments out of your time each month to write a quick letter can change all of that.  We can give them hope and help them in their spiritual walk.  No money is involved, only a small amount of time.  And as Christians, if we are unable to do that…then what are we really?  If we as Christians can sit here and read this post and then click it off without a second thought….who are we?  Where is our heart when the children of the world cry out for hope and we turn away?  We can be that hope by letting Christ shine through us and offering a small sacrifice.  The smallest of sacrifices, a few moments of time in order to change an entire life.

If we can’t even bring ourselves to do that….who are we really?

Meet in Love

With so many different Bible translations, some that don’t match up with the original Greek it can be easy to see why there are so many different opinions on various issues in the Bible.  This creates conflict.  We argue over which version is correct.  We debate what’s right and wrong.  But I think no matter how different our beliefs are it’s important to meet in love and let God sort out the rest.   It doesn’t matter how you worship or how you preach as long as it’s reaching people and your heart is centered on God.

On the topic of more heated debates like homosexuality and the like, starting a flame war over these issues does not further the Kingdom.  If we meet the issue in love and compassion the rest God can do.   Remember…Our enemy is not the person we disagree with. It’s the spirit behind it. Meet that person in love, because God loves them just as much as he loves your sinful self.

Ephesians 6:12

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Because the Bible tells me so...or does it?

So I had a bit of a revelation recently about some of the beliefs I hold onto.  There are certain things I believed and felt were wrong and what I realized was that I felt those things were wrong simply because someone else told me they were…despite having no biblical backing for those beliefs.  What I found is that once I started look more deeply at the beliefs I held onto it and realizing that some of them were based entirely on the opinions of someone else and let go of those beliefs I found that I was able to have a more true and authentic belief.  One that allowed me to have a closer relationship with God.

I think it’s very important to look at our beliefs…find out WHY we believe certain things we believe.  No one should blindly follow leadership.  It’s how cults get started.  By looking behind the reasons you believe something, you learn more about yourself, more about your beliefs and more about God.  The only way to have an authentic belief and relationship is to be real.  Just like in any relationship.  Let’s stop playing pretend and start looking a little closer and why we believe certain things.  Is it because God says it’s wrong….or is it because people THINK it is and feel others should think the same?

Friendship is always possible.

I wanted to blog something short, but encouraging…for those going through the same things Sheila and I are.

So, in the past I never really had friends growing up.  Even in the churches I attended with my parents.  I knew people, but it never turned into friendship.  A while later at another church I was hurt and my trust was destroyed.  It took a while for me to move past that and I still do have trust issues, but with God’s help I’m healing from that.

I understand how hopeless it can feel.  That sense of failure at meeting someone new and thinking it was going to go well and the whole thing falls flat on its face.  It’s easy to lose hope. 
But you know what I learned?  The best thing to do is to not try and force it.  It has to happen naturally.  It takes practice. I think that’s the biggest thing.  You need to practice just talking to people first.   Opening up over time.   My problem was I tried to jump into the deep end without first learning how to swim.  You have to start out slow.  Master the little things first before taking on the complexity of friendships.  Get used to small talk first and greeting new people.  It isn’t a fast process and will take a lot of time, but as you begin to see improvements you will FEEL that improvement in yourself.  A new confidence that slowly blossoms.  A seed that gradually grows into a plant and makes its way through the dirt to reach the sun of a new hope and life joined in fellowship with others that eventually becomes natural.

It is never hopeless, but it does take work.